A SHOT IN THE SHORTS

Just...ouch.

ONLY IN NEW YORK

...would state leaders ask for stimulus money to replace highway guard rails that were only supposed to look rusty and not actually fall apart from rust.

DORMANT NO MORE!

From the Department of Obvious:

New York ranks last among the 50 states in personal freedoms, followed by New Jersey, Rhode Island, Maryland and California. I do wonder what those states could possibly have in common. Hmm.

REASSURING OURSELVES

The Giants are falling apart, the Jets will break your heart and so will the Mets, the Yanks have thrown a bunch of money around with little to show, the hockey and hoops are dismal, but we're still number one in corruption...aren't we?

What color foam-rubber #1 finger goes with that, anyway? (Don't answer that.)

A BOLD AND INNOVATIVE COST-CUTTING MEASURE

New York state officials have bravely defied the conventional wisdom and decreed that hundreds of kinda-sorta-maybe-okay-not-really-disabled LIRR retirees do NOT deserve lifetime free golf at Bethpage Black. Our "gee, ya think?" line:

Eileen Larrabee, a spokeswoman for the Office of Parks, Recreation and Historic Preservation, said on Thursday. “They made a leap at some point along the line.”

Greens fees at Bethpage Black are in the $50-60 range, which is mighty sweet for a US Open course.